Well I actually expressed my feelings last nite ....which is something I don't do very well because of personal isses and reasons. I guess there was alot more bothering me than I really realized or cared to admit to myself. I am just the type of person who bottles alot up and keeps things to myself whether I am bothered by it or not ....and it's not a good way to be, at least that is what I am discovering . The person that I got angry with though is a very special guy that I love alot ....and well it hurt me to even be mad at him ......because he did not deserve the temper tantrum that I expressed so freely to him online .....BUT darn it all I was mad at him but most of all I felt hurt and something inside me just decided to go totally off on him ......now would I have done the same thing in person? I don't think so ...I think I would have just pouted  and kept it to myself. At the end I did end up calling him and apologizing to him over the phone ....I thought he deserved to be apologized to at least somewhat in person and being that we are over 1100 miles apart ...the next best thing was over the phone.

But the reason why I am thinking "WOW" ....is because I feel happier today ..... and I am not sure why but I feel GREAT ....and believe me when I say I haven't felt that way in quite some time. I guess it's partly because I expressed what I was feeling to him ....although I have to learn how to do it in a more appropriate manner the next time around because like I said he didn't deserve to be screamed at like I did ....well screamed at over the computer is " ALL CAPS"  .....and that was not right of me! But I got out what I needed to get out to him last nite .....and after all was said and done and I apologized to him I felt better . This man has been there for me for the past six years .....he has helped me through alot of "hard times" I have been going through in my life and I love him to pieces for it.....he is my pure joy in life .  He is just wonderful and I have never felt love like I feel for him .........I just wish we lived closer to each other  but all in good time I am sure.

He will be happy to know that I took care of myself today ....something I haven't been doing lately ....which is not good because I am not only hurting myself but I know it worries him when I act like that .  I have had a weight problem for the past few years now and it's the one thing in life that has really challenged me .....and the one thing I want more than anything in life is to get the weight off once and for all ...........and I know I will be able to do it with his love and support. I have fought the disease Bulimia  since I was age 12 or so ....and I am still fighting it ....and this major weight gain hasn't helped me or the disease .  There are the good days but then there are the bad days .....and I know it's one day at a time is how I have to look at it ....and patience is key but there are days that I just can't seem to cope .........but then there are days like today that makes it seem worth it and makes me want to keep on going and not give up.